You know your married when.....

I was thinking today about all the stuff I used to do before I was married. Its sad actually how many things you dont do just cause well, you dont have to. I have already got my man hes not going any where. I mean why would he? He has clean clothes, (no thanks to him) 3 cute boys, a clean house (its no longer a orangized shit hole, I cleaned for 5 hours today!) an food in the fridge ( he has to cook it of course, I dont do that) an he gets laid when ever he wants.( well... for the most part) So I have made a list, of things that change when women get married.



1. All those cute undies you used to wear got replaced with fugly comfy ones, for one of two reasons if not both

a. they dont even come close to fitting you ever expanding waist band not to mention your ass.

b. whats the point? guys dont look at them anyway, besides that they all end up on the floor no matter how fugly or cute they are. Why waste the cash.

2. Your mother-in-law now wants to talk to you instead of your husband, but she says to tell him hi, and she loves him.

3. Even after watchin you give birth you husband still want to have sex with you, (after of course a long awaited 6 weeks ) ya well he better if he knows whats good for him, all the hellaious pain of that shit hes gotta do something in return!!

4. You used to do your hair and makeup daily, (always thinking, theres no way in hell he would want anything to do with you after seeing you first thing in the morning) but then you realize hes getting laid, he probally didnt even notice the work you put into yourself. Ah what a waste!

5. Your expanding ASS. WTF is this? how unfair to be a woman sometimes!! I think at this point, my ass size has changed at least 5 times. Child birth! Ah screw those people who leave the hospital in there pre-pregnancy jeans. Heres a news flash your not normal!!

6.Your wardrobe. You used to always get dressed in the morning, now hes lucky if he goes to work and comes home if you combed your hair, changed you clothes HA no thanks I didnt have to go anywhere today, I have better shit to do.

7. You realize your cute sweet boyfriend is really a messy, farting, smelly shoes guy! But you love him dispite it, you just hope if you friends stay over the scent doesnt keep them from having a good time.

8. The highlight of your weekend is getting all the laundry done, which was all over every bedroom floor right NEXT to the laundry basket mind you. But hey they tried to aim right? Maybe...

9. You put the toilet seat down more times in a day than you sit on it. How hard is it? For hells sake drop it before you flush! I bet they would if they fell in some 50 times in the middle of the night.(Assholes)

10. You dont even waste your time shaving your legs, you figure hey why by a razor either way your getting some! Ha